So Hard to Say Sorry
by Absolute Ginger
Summary: Why is it that when you've bottled up all that anger, it can be let out with one swift, life changing event?


"You are such a selfish bastard you know that? All you ever do is think about yourself!" The older Hunter screamed to his younger brother, his eyes blazing with anger. He stood and pushed himself into Sam. All he needed was an excuse to punch, needed Sam to just spit out one of his smart remarks and he would be on him in an instant.

Sam pushed him hard, made him push back. "I'm the selfish one?" He scoffed at his older brother. "Or are you just jealous that I actually did what I wanted to do, go where I wanted to go" The next words were articulated with a firm shove into the wall, "You're just jealous" His voice was pushy, irritated. Eyes searching the hazel ones that glared back at him.

Dean punched him hard across the mouth, pushing Sam into the closest bed. "Me? Me the one jealous! Maybe you're the one who's jealous Sammy. Jealous that I'm the one Dad honors more, jealous that I'm the one he adores." His fists were clenched, his knuckles white with pressure. "While you were out playing Joe College I stayed here and helped him try to find moms killer. I didn't run from my fears like the coward you are!" Dean's eyes were now dark with a fury. This feud was more intense than any other.

Sam lunged at Dean, his breath hot in his face as they fell to the floor. "**Shut up Dean, please just shut up**." His voice wasn't pleading, it was demanding and threatening. His tall stature was the only thing that held Dean to the floor. Dean just glared back up at the face that was so close to his. His mouth was slightly upturned and by doing this Sam's fist connected with his jaw. Blood seeped from his lips and an angry smirk crossed is face. Sudden Sam was released with a swift kick to the groin.

"Fucking cheap" He gasped out. Sam dealt with the pain, quickly resuming his earlier position. His hands were gripping Dean's throat. This was just like back when they sparred in the younger years, though this time he felt the need to squeeze just a little harder. Dean looked at him with fear and anger. He grabbed the hand at his throat and threw all his weight into pushing it aside, Sam now lay slightly twisted on the floor. Dean's arms locked Sam's shoulders out of place and held him still. A slight popping noise indicated the dislocation of each shoulder.

The scream that erupted from his brother almost made him pull away, but no. Sam really had pissed him off this time. This time, Sam would need physical punishment. He needed to be roughed up just a little. He dropped his mouth down to Sam's ear. "Tap out little brother, you knew from the beginning that I'd kick your ass" Venom like words stung Sam's mind.

Anger suddenly fueled his fire and for a split second he forgot the piercing pain aching inside his upper body. His lanky long legs came in great use as he forced himself upward, taking Dean along with him. "I would never give you the satisfaction" He spat, and by using just enough force to throw Dean off, he slammed his brother into the nearest window. Both were sent shattering to the cold forest floor outside. Collapsing to the ground he ignored the curses from the other. Now he just focused on his shoulders. Biting his lip he leaned face first against the door frame. Taking a deep inhalation of breath he slammed his left shoulder into the wood. A soft crack told him he was now able to move his hand fully, but both shoulders were still dislocated. With his free hand he snapped both into place and fell onto the nearest bed with a whimper or pure utter pain.

Dean got up and stalked out into the woods, not even looking back at his pained brother. The door slammed loudly behind him as he walked out into the night. They had been on a job, hunting a wolf in Nebraska. Sam thought it was a good idea if they got a cabin out in the woods. 'We'll be able to get used to it's hunting patterns' He had said. Dean agreed with it thinking his logical brother had a wonderful idea. Now he greatly regrets this decision.

Tension started to build after one attempt after the other failed to kill the furry son of a bitch. Their need to kill might have been worse than the beast's. This inner demon wasn't a bad thing, gave them adrenaline for the hunt. But then again, when the kills weren't fast and took to long the pressure would build up inside them. The want of having your fist into something, someone, made it almost impossible to get along. So all they needed was a spark, anything to get into a fight. Something small could quickly escalate into something bigger and end in a physical fight, and that is exactly what happened.

He walked deeper into the forest, lost in his thoughts. He didn't even look for ways to find his way back. He couldn't think about that right now. Why would he even want to find his way back, when he had said such horrible things. He hated when this happened, they never meant what they said. And the worse bit was that they never said sorry. They were too good for that, to good for a tender moment of forgiveness. He snorted in amusement. "Damn that Winchester Pride." Even Sam, was always the one to say sorry, but after a fight like this he seriously doubted that would happen.

Dean stumbled onto a ridge point. The cliff jetting out from the solid land, giving an amazing panorama of the land around him, he smiled softly to himself and went out to the edge. His stomach dropping with the sights he saw, a natural thing to do when you're so high up. But this feeling made him smile more, the useless adrenaline pumping through his veins made him jumpy, making him want to just jump and feel the air on his face. Feel the freedom of just falling. He just smiled and began to make his way back, the tensions of the fight fleeing him momentarily.

The sudden clearing of his mind finally made him realize that he had no idea where he was. Even worse, he had no idea where he was in the middle of the night with a werewolf loose. His mind searching his memory he made his way back to the cabin, or rather, he thought he was making his way back to the cabin. He soon realized he was going in circles, seeing the same tree at least four times. "Stupid trees, they all look the same anyway. I need some freaking tree hunger to come and tell me the difference." He started to walk again but was stopped by a sound.

A soft clicking sound made his head turn. The clicking noise of a gun, he guessed maybe a 45 caliber hand gun. Those guns had a smooth and sleek click when they were cocked. His hunter instincts told him to run. But he was motionless at what he saw. A woman stood behind him with a wicked grin on her face. Her eyes were a slight golden color with rusted hair that contrasted perfectly with them. Her long slender arms made him remember the clicking noise. His hazel eyes followed the bluish veins to her hands where she held the gun. The trigger was pulled and Dean just felt himself slip into a cool darkness.

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Sam stared at the door stunned and angered. _What the hell was Dean thinking leaving in the middle of the night? He never thinks things through _Sighing he stood up, finally getting his breath after the intense pain in his shoulders. He ran his hands through his brown locks. The movement sending jolts of electric fire through his muscles. Biting back a small cry he got up to the bathroom. He looked at his face and saw the soon to be bruises puffing under his olive skin. Cuts the size of his teeth marked his lower lip, he softly washed away the caked surface. Looking at the shower he decided to get in the hot water already beckoning him.

Shedding his clothes he stepped into the small area.He had to bend his head slightly in order to keep his head from hitting the wall. He smiled softly and sighed "Just one of the perks I guess". His cold hands gripped the shower handle and steam began to fill the room. He let the hot water slip down his shoulders and onto his chest, a small sigh escaping from his lips as it did. He could never figure out why this happened between them. The hunt and job was easiest to blame, but in the back of his head he always thought of there lives. If they didn't have the life they had now, would they be closer? Would they get into as many fights as they do today? He just didn't know it was hard to say, because of the life they **did **have.

When Sam was finished he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist. Making his way to his bed with clothes in hand he thought about the things he had said to Dean. He really didn't mean to say such hurtful things to his brother. Its just the anger seemed to build up with every second he was with him and he just exploded. He dressed quietly and sat on his bed.

Not caring of the condition of the bed or how comfortable it was, he began to drift off to sleep. His breaths became slower and he was shut out from the real world, his mind clouding with images, dreams, and thoughts.

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Dean awoke slowly, his eye sight blurry and painful. A figure stood in front of him and he could tell it was smiling. Fur brushed his face and he remembered what happened, and now who he was with. The wolf seemed to chuckle at him and he scowled under his breath.

A soft whimper followed the transformation of the wolf, now standing before him was the woman. The same bitch who shot him with god knows what, but whatever it was it hurt like hell. "Hello Winchester" Her voice was cool and calm, like velvet. She slowly strutted over to him and sat on his lap. Her legs fell against his hips while she ran her hands through his hair. "I've watched you while you and you're brother trampled through me woods." A thick Irish accent saturated her words. Dean seemed entranced by the circles she traced just above his neckline. "The moon was down then, but if it were up singing to me in the night sky, I would have taken you both right then on the spot." Her lips brushed against his as she spoke. A small growl made her upper lip twitch with anger.

"So Dean, do you know what's going to happen to you?" He just stared at her. Bright white teeth greeted his eyes as she smirked. "I didn't think so" Her arms lay lazily across his shoulders and she laid her head on his neck. "You see that bullet I hit you with, well it was covered in blood." She cooed to him like he was a child. "Blood from dear ole Raven herself." Dean's heart seemed to stop and that moment, his breath caught in his throat. She nipped at his throat with a giggle, the reaction he made obviously pleasing her.

"Oh don't worry; it won't be long, maybe a few hours, maybe even a day. But it'll happen, you can guarantee that." She bit her lip as if she was delighted at the thought of what was going to happen to him. She licked the outside shell of his ear and smiled "Don't worry Dean Baby, Don't be afraid." Dean swallowed hard and took a small deep breath, letting some much needed air back into his lungs. "Why bother with the blood, why don't you just kill me?" He seemed fearless, just asking a polite question. Her deep golden eyes stared deeply into his, and then her voice answered his smoothly. "Because He will come and I'll have two instead of one!" She laughed at her sudden rhyme and stood up from him.

She gracefully walked over to a table that was in front of him. Metal objects glinted in the dim room she kept him. She turned and walked back to him with a knife shining in the darkness. She ran the blade along Dean's arm without cutting him, running it down to his wrist. The blade was slid under them and she roughly cut off his elephant hair bracelets drawing blood as she did so.

Dean knew exactly what she was doing, he never took those off. Sam knew this, and as soon as he would see them he would look for him. "Do you really think he would fall for that?" He snorted with amusement, but inside he knew Sam would. _Sam always rushed into things without thinking clearly of what actually might happen. _

Raven smile again, a toothy grin this time. Her moan echoed through the room as she fell onto all fours. The way her back arched into such an incredible shape made him cringe. She changed right before his eyes. Skin bubbling away as each pore on her body filled with wolf fur. Her bones snapped and muscles tarring to take the shape of her sinister form. The bloody bracelets were held between her teeth. Her wolfen eyes winked at him and she bounded out of the room.

"Finally…" He stated blankly and slightly out of breath. It was then that he noticed he wasn't bound or chained. His eyes scanned the room, and it was empty, except the table. He stood and went over to it; it held knives, syringes, guns, and these bullets with an opening on them. He assumed that's what she used on him, the opening allowing her to fill them with her own blood.

"Well, sorry Raven I have plans, and sitting here waiting to die isn't one of them." He began to make his way out of the building. There were other rooms in this place, it was similar to the cabin he and Sam were staying it. But this one as more involved. This place had a bigger use than just the home of tourists.

He started to stumble, his vision blurring again. _Of course, you move to much, blood pumps, poison gets around easier. I'm an __idiot_. Those were his last thoughts as he fell, hitting the floor hard with a thud, his mind shutting off from the world.

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Sam began to stir from his sleep, his eyes slowly opening. He expected Dean to be next to him, sleeping on his bed. But he wasn't, there was no sign that his older brother even came home. "Dean?" Sam called out; maybe he was here, just not wanting to make an appearance.

There was no answer to his call. He glanced over at the clock, 12 o clock on the dot. "He's out there, at 12 freakin o clock and with a werewolf loose, what the hell is he thinking?" His voice harsh and scared, _Dean never thinks things through_. He got his coat and gathered some things he might need incase he ran into the fury beast.

He headed out and just began to wander. There really was no way he could tell where his brother was. It was dark and quiet. There were no signs of life here. Sam swallowed with growing apprehension, his mind kept screaming at him: _Too quiet! Get your ass out of here and wait till morning! Deans fine! Why aren't you moving you idiot! You can't see! Turn on the damn flashlight! _

He did as he thought and turned on the flashlight, his eyes adjusting to the sudden light. Now he could see signs of where Dean went. Branches were torn and he could clearly see footsteps that were long and stamped into the ground, anger footsteps. He sighed softly and followed the tracts, finding his way to the rock the jutted out of the landscape. His breathe was taken away at the thought of Dean at the bottom of this drop. Tracks could be seen that told him Dean and only Dean walked away from this scene.

Now making his way back he looked for more signs. The beam of light scanned the floor of the forest and he saw something that made him grimace. It was Dean's bracelets; they lay torn and beaten into the ground. As he made his way closer, he could see the blood that lined them.

Sam reached down to get them, to get them for Dean when he found him. His flashlight went dead as soon as his fingertips touched the tightly wound fur. He could still see though, the moon hung high in the sky and the beams lit up the forest floor. He crouched there silently in the darkness, bathing himself in the moonlight. His ears twitched. 10 yards away a branch softly snapped with the weight of something stepping on it. Quietly he turned on his heels and slid behind a tree. A sing song voice pierced through the milky moon light. "Sam darling, you can't hide from me. These are me woods for god's sake! Just come out will you?" Laughter filled the statement and he crawled out from behind his safe haven. The sweet laughter matched the face and he almost forgot that this beauty was a killer. He was quickly reminded when she was next to him in a matter of seconds. Her hand ripped at the nape of his neck and tore little tuffs of hair from his head. His mouth ripped open with shock but made no noise. Her lips touched to his ear and she purred softly "You'll see him soon enough darling". She shoved him down onto the leafy floor and smashed his head in with a nearby rock.

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Again Dean awoke to Raven staring at him. A smile once again on her face. "Where is he?" He growled between clenched teeth, his eyes glaring into her demandingly. She just giggled and with a slender finger pointed to the next room over.

He began to get up but she punched him down painfully, his lower lip swelling with blood. "No need to get up Winchester, I'll get him for you." She walked into the other room and Dean heard a grunt from his brother. The dragging noise made him sick knowing Sam was completely unconscious.

She had her arms around his neck, using it to drag the rest of his body. His head had a deep gash on it, the blood running down his face. His arm twitched as she laid him roughly on the floor. His eyes lazily opened, pupils slightly glazed with pain and confusion. Raven knelt beside him and gripped his chin lifting his face to her mouth. She stuck out a pink tongue and ran it across his lips. She chuckled devilishly as Dean clearly made an attempt to stop her. "He tastes divine Dean. I'm going to have too much fun with him when you're gone." She released him and let him sag limply to the ground.

Dean flew to his younger brother as soon as Raven let him go; he ran a hand through Sam's hair. The younger hunter's eyes fluttered open slowly. Dean smiled at him as an older brother would, making it seem like everything would be ok now that they were together.

Sam stared up at the smiling face, he tried to sit up but gasped out in pain as it seemed like his lungs were ripping. Each breath felt like swallowing razor blades, lungs ripping with each gasp at the pain. "Ribs" he blurted out with much effort. Dean gave her a futile glare. "You don't ever touch him again" The growl erupted from his throat with rage.

"Well you have both of us, so just kill us already." Sam whispered his voice weak. Raven looked back at them from the table. "Well, I want your brother to suffer. A death from the blood of a wolf is so unique. Usually you can survive the transformation with the help of the pack. But guess what? We have no pack Sammy." She slid down to him with a smirk. Ignoring Dean she ran a finger down Sam's arm "You get to watch him die. You get to hear his screams echo in the night. You get to watch the life leave his eyes as he whispers one last goodbye to you." She chuckled menacingly.

Dean could feel something stirring inside him. Something was crawling beneath his skin and he needed to get Raven away from them as soon as possible. He knew exactly how to get her blood lust jump started. He raised the sleeve on his shirt so the arm in which she drew his blood was open and fresh. "So what is it like Raven? The hunt, how does it feel? How does it feel to take the lives of innocent people to feed your hunger? I'd like to know, honestly I do." His voice was almost seductive, but in a hushed tone, almost like he always wanted to know.

Raven stopped whatever she was doingto Sam and froze. She turned to face them, a soft glow to her face. It was shameless and almost changing, her teeth bit her lips. "Freedom and control. It's total and complete euphoria. You can't stop it. You just have to let it settle inside you. The feeling of controlling someone's fate is like tasting their blood for the first time. Addicting" A small trail of saliva began to fall down her lips to her chin, her eyes stared into Deans. They slowly moved to his arm, a hypnotic movement as she stared at the blood trailing down his skin. Her face began to twitch, as her arms did, then her legs, finally her feet. The fur on her arms grew thick, her clothes tearing with the change that was happening inside her. The sickening sound of bones snapping and muscles tearing made Dean Look away at the astonishing site. She tore out of the room in sight of a quick fix for her hunger.

Dean waited a few seconds and slowly got up, walking over to the table looking for something, anything to help him. But he growled as he saw nothing that could ever help them. A quick intake of air sent him doubling over in pain. The skin on his arms seemed to simmer and his muscles tensed painfully. Sam picked up on this movement, Dean was going to change. "Dean I know what to do…" Dean just moaned as he fell to the floor in pain, the bones in his arms snapping into a new shape. He screamed out in pain as the same happened to his back. This change was going to kill his brother if he didn't work fast.

He stood up and held back a cry of pain as he walked over to the table. Trying to ignore his brother's screams of pain he looked for the tool he needed. Spotting it he held it in his hand, the needle plunging into the vein in his arm. He got enough blood into the syringe and groggily knelt down to Dean, who was having trouble holding still. "Come on Dean just hold on a little longer, I can fix this. Just try and hold still." Sam placed a soothing hand on this brother. Dean stayed still for a moment and Sam, not knowing how long this will stay, worked his magic. Plunging the needle point into Dean's arm Sam's blood mixed with the wolf's blood. He only prayed that it would be powerful enough to cancel the evil out. Lucky for him they were related and had blood types that were compatible.

Dean slowly stopped moving, his heart slowed down to a normal beating rhythm. The bones that broke and the muscles that had torn slowly began to repair themselves. Sam held onto him as his whimpers of pain filled the room. Ten minutes passed and finally Dean was able to sit up.

Sam smiled at him "Feeling better?" Dean looked up at him with relieved eyes and nodded slowly. Sam began to get up, his eyes wincing with pain from the broken bones in his stomach. "Then let's get the hell out of here." He held out a hand and Dean pulled himself up with the help.

"Definitely with you there on that one little brother" They began to make there way out of the house and into the woods. Dean helped Sam as they made there way back to their cabin. Again the forest lay clam and unmoving, no animals called out, nor broke the silence. Suddenly a shot rang out and Dean whipped around to see Raven holding the smoking gun. Lighting fast he turned to see his brother on the ground shocked and pained.

"I can save him you know. He saved me" He growled at her, taking a threatening step forward. She stepped back and chuckled evilly. "You can't save him from a mortal wound." She smiled darkly at Dean who stared at her in shock.

There were no feelings to describe how he felt. His mind could only think and focus on one thing, killing the bitch who dared to touch his brother. So he took his own mental command. Slowly he slipped into his fatal hunter mode. No thoughts entered his mind, only flashed images of her dead body. His gun had silver bullets in it and she took it; this would be all too easy for this deadly hunter. He pounded his fist into her stomach and she dropped the gun. Raven grabbed his head just as he lunged for the handle. She pulled it back roughly and he fell to the ground. The gun was just out of his reach, her teeth growing getting ready to take a kill. He stretched hard, his arm pulling towards the handle. He could feel her teeth grazing his skin. The vein at his neck pounded with blood and this only seemed to quicken her change. With one last painful push he grabbed the gun and immediately aimed and pulled the trigger. She stared at him in shock as the pain settled in. "This is impossible…"Her last breath pushed into his face and she went limp into his body.

She was forgotten immediately, now only a bad dream. He looked over and saw Sam lying motionless on the forest floor. He ran to him, pulling him up into his chest. The gunshot wound to his stomach wasn't looking to pleasing. Blood soaked his shirt and spilled over onto the ground which soaked it up thirstily. Sam looked up at him, his breaths short and labored. "Alright Sam, it's ok, everything will be…" He lost his words as Sam looked up directly into his eyes. So much pain inside them, he held onto Dean's hand and tried to speak.

"Dean, I, I'm sorry" It took so much energy to say that, it took his breath away. "I'm sorry for everything Dean, for everything" Dean eyes started to fill with tears.

No way was his brother saying his goodbyes here, not now. "Sam, please….Save your strength…You're gonna be ok. I promise" Sam stared up into the sky. "I'm not going to be ok Dean; I can feel it. Dean I think I'm going to die. Jesus Dean I'm going to die." Blood started to form at the corners of Sam's mouth. Dean chocked on his words at the sight. His brother was going to die. "Fuck Sammy…." Dean leaned his head down, softly resting it on Sam's neck.

Sam still looked up into the stars. "It's ok Dean….I'm glad that I…" He started to choke on his own blood. "…glad that I …could save you."

Dean could feel him slipping, his breaths even more slow than before. "Stay with me Sam. You can't die on me now, we have to go on. You can't leave me hear by myself…."His own thoughts were foreign to him. "Sammy please! What about the demon? What about Dad?" He pleaded with his brother.

Sam smiled for a moment, taking a ragged breath. Tears fell down his brother's face and Sam took one last look at him. "I love you Dean…" His eyes closed and suddenly there was no more pain.

Dean felt him go, felt the life leave him. More tears fell down his face, "No Sammy please don't leave me here. Not alone. I can't do this without you! Damn it Sam, just come back…" His voice cracked as the tears weren't held back and his cries of pain echoed in the silence of the forest. He held Sam in his arms, holding him like he used to when they were little. Dean's eyes looked into his brother's pail face while his hand ran through Sam's soft hair.

He slowly knelt down to Sam's body and swiftly picked him up. With a face of no expression he silently walked back to the cabin, his feet knowing the way. The sun began to rise and it made the ever so soft tear falling down his skin, glisten and never be forgotten. "I'm Sorry Sam."


End file.
